To my paternal grandparents, I’ve always been some kind of property that has value only when it’s accomplished something they can show off to others. A property they’ve neglected all her life and all of whose accomplishments have had nothing whatsoever to do with them because they’ve never aided in achieving them in any way. Do you know how I feel? I feel used. Used by my own grandparents as some kind of brooch they’re not entitled to but brag about nonetheless.
When I came back to Korea upon completing my master’s studies in Shanghai, I didn’t let my grandparents know my new mobile number. This turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. Since my return, my grandmother had kept pestering my parents to send me on blind dates arranged by the matchmaking office within the church my grandparents attended. To this, my reaction was invariably, ‘I’d rather die a spinster a hundred times over than go on a single date with a man who goes to a church that’s convinced its congregation that the more money they offer it, the more God’s blessing they will be given. My grandmother, one of the two big-time misers to her own granddaughter, had devoted a lot of money to the church, and one time, she even donated bars of gold grandfather had stashed away at home without telling him. Apparently, they have the money and treasure to give away to some church equivalent of a robber but not a penny to spare for her granddaughter in dire need of financial help. Grandmother’s persistent nagging to get me hitched to a delusional church man continued for years, until she reckoned I was too old and no longer marketable as a bride.
On the last day of this year’s Lunar New Year holidays, I went to a restaurant with mum to have cold buckwheat noodles. Next to us sat three young women, one of whose words I happened to overhear. She said, ‘If you’re going to give me a lecture, at least give me 200,000 won for it’. She was clearly talking about a relative she’d met on Lunar New Year’s Day. Those ‘kkondae’ relatives who’ve failed to catch up with the fast-changing world are the very reason why young people hate attending family gatherings on national holidays in Korea. When you’re a high schooler, they ask about the all-important CSAT and university admission. Then when you’ve become a university student, they enquire about job hunting. Then when you’ve landed a job, they want to know when you’ll get married. Then when you’re married, they start asking when you’ll have a baby. They don’t understand that there are many different ways to live and it’s entirely up to each individual to choose their own lifestyle. More importantly, they fail to see that the world has changed so much over just one generation that the norms of their time—marriage, kids, house, etc.—are now out of reach for so many, no matter how hard they try. Those kkondaes are forever stuck in the good old days and attempt to impose their outdated outlooks and beliefs on younger generations. Not long ago, when dad was on the phone with grandfather, the latter said that I’m not living ‘normally’ because I’m still not married. Well, grandfather, sorry for being ‘abnormal’, but I’d say that’s because I take after you. No normal grandfather does nothing but lecture and nitpick his very first grandchild. You know what his first words were when my parents took me to his house on a Seollal? ‘Why isn’t she making deep bows?’ Funny thing was, I was a toddler! Who expects a tiny human being who’s just learnt to walk to make deep bows? Now THAT is abnormal.
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